Shame loves secrecy.
- Jen Martinelli
- Aug 9
- 12 min read
"Own your story before shame writes it for you."
🖤 From Jen: Shame Can't Survive the Light.
Hi BEAUTISTA Fam,
My son celebrated his birthday this week and a few days before, he texted my mom and my sister (his grandma and aunt) to let them know what he wanted for his birthday. A few hours went by and they hadn't replied yet. He walked into the room and said, "Great... they didn't answer. Now I look stupid." I immediately said, "Buddy... you don't look stupid. They're probably just busy." But after he walked away, I sat there for a minute because I remembered being exactly like that.
When I was a kid, everything embarrassed me. I'd ask someone a question and then spend the rest of the day wondering if it was a stupid question. If someone didn't text me back, I'd assume I said something wrong. If I spilled something in public or dropped something on the floor, I wanted to disappear. My face would turn bright red and I was convinced every single person in the room was looking at me.
I remember being out with a friend once when they accidentally knocked an entire glass of water off the table. It flew everywhere. I immediately got embarrassed... for them. Meanwhile, they laughed, grabbed a few napkins, apologized to the waiter, and kept right on with the conversation like nothing happened. I remember thinking... How are you not completely mortified right now?
Years later I was listening to Brené Brown. She studies shame, and one thing she said made so much sense to me. Shame loves secrecy. It loves when we keep replaying the story in our own heads because the longer it stays there, the more convincing it becomes. But the moment we tell someone we trust and they respond with, "Oh my gosh... I've done that too," shame starts to lose its grip. Not because the story changed... but because we realized we weren't alone in it.
So I tried something different. The next time I felt shame, I called my mom or my sister or my cousin, or my best friend - sometimes all of them. "I have to tell you what I just did..." And pretty much every single time, we'd laugh together. The thing that felt so huge thirty minutes earlier suddenly wasn't such a big deal anymore.
Then my brain did what it always does and connected it to something completely unrelated. (Sometimes I feel like a mad scientist making these random connections LOL). The movie 8 Mile. If you've never seen it, it's loosely based on Eminem's life. He grows up living in a trailer park, has a rough childhood, and dreams of making it as a rapper. The movie ends with a rap battle where the entire goal is to embarrass your opponent in front of everyone. But before the other guy has a chance to say anything, Eminem starts making fun of himself. He talks about growing up in a trailer. He talks about his broken family. He brings up every single thing the other guy was about to use against him. By the time he finishes... there's nothing left to say.
The moment Eminem stood on that stage and owned every part of his story, it stopped being ammunition for someone else. There was nothing left to expose. Nothing left to hide. That's what shame wants from us. It wants us to keep the story buried because buried stories are heavy. They make us believe we're the only ones who have failed, embarrassed ourselves, made mistakes, or felt like we weren't enough.
But the moment we bring them into the light... The moment we say, "Yep... that happened." The moment we own it... shame starts losing its grip. Not because the story disappeared. Because it no longer owns us. The things we hide usually have the most power over us... until we stop hiding them.
I've realized the people I admire most aren't the ones with perfect lives. They're the ones who are unapologetically themselves. They don't pretend they have it all figured out. They own their mistakes. They laugh at themselves. They tell the story before shame has the chance to. Maybe that's what confidence actually looks like. Not having a perfect story... But being willing to tell the imperfect one anyway.
(And if I'm being completely honest... Lose Yourself is still one of my hype songs. 😂 Every time I hear it, I don't think about rap battles anymore. I think about someone who decided to own every part of his story instead of hiding from it.)
So here's my reminder this week... Stand in your story. The messy parts. The embarrassing parts. The parts you're still working through.
Because the things you're most tempted to hide are often the very things that make you relatable. Because shame can't keep you small once you've decided to stop hiding.
xoxo,
Jen Martinelli
🎙️ In Case You Missed It (ICYMI)
Another week, another lineup of incredible education from the industry's leading brands. Here's a look at just a few of the free classes our community attended.
🎨 Redken | Lift & Tone Pro Connect
Artists elevated their blonding expertise by exploring the Blonde IQ system, mastering Redken's lightener portfolio, and learning how to achieve consistent, beautiful blonde results.
✨ OLAPLEX | Total Transformation: Pro Difference Scalp to Ends
Stylists learned a premium repair ritual designed to improve hair health, strengthen client loyalty, and increase salon revenue through high-value treatment services.
✂️ Bumble and bumble | Face Frame Face Off
A hands-on look at creating intentional face-framing with both scissors and a razor, helping artists build shape, movement, and confidence behind the chair.
🎨 Matrix | Haircolor For All
A foundational deep dive into the Matrix color portfolio, covering formulation, processing, and insider techniques to build confidence with every color service.
🌿 Biolage | Essential Product Immersion
Professionals explored personalized consultations, retail strategies, and product recommendations designed to strengthen client loyalty and boost take-home sales.
🎓 Pureology | Color Care Certification
Attendees learned how to preserve hair color, build stronger client trust, and increase retail revenue through personalized color care recommendations.
💎 L'Oréal Professionnel | Intro to French Blending with Jack Howard
Stylists discovered Jack Howard's signature approach to effortless grey blending, creating luxurious, low-maintenance color clients love.
Missed one? No worries. Many classes are available on demand, with new live education added every week from the brands you know and trust.
(And if you're a salon owner, school leader, or educator—share these with your team. One class can change a service. A habit of learning can change a career.)
💻 Tech-Forward:
Where tech meets beauty (and your next big move begins).
Why I'm Excited About Meta Glasses
This week I finally bought a pair of Meta Glasses, and within the first few minutes my marketing brain started spinning. I originally bought them for my son to capture sports content for Instagram.
And I immediately started thinking about the interesting ways beauty professionals could use them.
The first is your point of view. Imagine wearing the glasses behind the chair while creating a balayage, cutting bangs, teaching a class, walking through your salon, or taking your audience behind the scenes at an event. Because the camera is right where your eyes are, people experience the moment with you instead of watching from the outside.
But the second idea might be even more fun... Put the glasses on your client.
Imagine capturing a guest's perspective as you reveal their transformation in the mirror. Or filming a bridal party from the bride's point of view. Or letting someone experience what it feels like to sit in your chair during a color appointment or scalp treatment.
The glasses remove one of the biggest barriers to creating content—you don't have to stop what you're doing to pull out your phone. You simply stay present, hit record, and keep doing what you do best.
I think we're going to see a lot more POV storytelling over the next few years because people don't just want to watch your work anymore... they want to experience it.
Think about your business from two perspectives:
👓 What would your audience love to see through your eyes?
👓 What would they love to experience through your client's eyes?
The best content isn't always the most polished. Sometimes it's simply the most immersive.
What we're learning from Hiring Funnels:
What Gen Z Checks Before They Ever Apply
Before a Gen Z candidate fills out anything — before they click, before they DM, before they show up - they've already done their research. And they're looking for answers to three specific questions.
We've talked about the Three B's before. Turns out Gen Z is asking them whether you've heard of them or not.
What will I earn? Pay transparency is non-negotiable for this generation. They're not going to apply and find out later. Across hundreds of candidate conversations in our premium recruiting campaigns, it's consistently the first question we see — before portfolio, before schedule, before anything else. If your posting doesn't give them a clear picture of earning potential — commission structure, what a realistic first-year looks like — they move on. In beauty, this is harder to communicate than a straight salary, which means most salons skip it entirely. That's a candidate lost before the conversation ever started.
Will I grow here? Gen Z is the most development-focused generation in the workforce. They want to know where they'll be in two years, not just what they'll be doing tomorrow. Will they build a clientele? Will someone invest in their education? Is there a path, or is this a ceiling? Most beauty job postings say nothing about this. In our premium recruiting campaigns, one of the most effective things we do is highlight the journey of a real artist who's already walked that path — where they started, how they grew, where they are now. That story answers the question before a candidate even thinks to ask it.
Can I see the proof? They don't trust "we're like a family here." They check your Instagram before your career page. They watch whether real team members post about work. They notice how you respond to comments. Culture has to be visible — not claimed. A mission statement doesn't prove anything. That's why in our campaigns we ask beauty business leaders a different question: why do your people choose to stay? Those answers — told as stories, not statements — show culture in a way no paragraph ever could.
Three questions. Most recruiting in the beauty industry answers zero of them. That's not a budget problem — it's a communication problem. And it's exactly what we build solutions around.
If you've never calculated what that empty chair is actually costing you, we built something for that.
Plug in your average service ticket, your daily client count, and how many weeks you've been waiting. The number on the other side is usually the moment salon owners stop thinking about hiring as an expense — and start thinking about it as the most urgent investment they can make.
🔥 What’s Happening:
Virtual Live Events You Don’t Want to Miss
Next Live Virtual Classes
Your next breakthrough could be one class away. Here are a few of the live classes happening this week on BEAUTISTA:
🎨 Matrix | All About Curls & Color
🗓 Thursday, August 6 | 11:00 AM EDT
Learn how to confidently formulate and customize color services for every curl pattern while preserving curl integrity.
✨ Redken | Shades ALK Pro Connect
🗓 Thursday, August 6 | 6:00 PM EDT
Explore Redken's newest alkaline demi technology and discover how to integrate Shades ALK into your service menu to elevate results and increase revenue.
💛 K18 | University: Intro to Innovative Haircare
🗓 Monday, August 10 | 11:00 AM EDT
Understand the science behind K18, learn how to incorporate molecular repair into every service, and discover strategies to grow your business.
🤍 JOICO | Seasonless Express Balayage
🗓 Monday, August 10 | 12:00 PM EDT
Master seamless placement, custom toning, and modern balayage techniques that work year-round.
✂️ Johnny B | Get Technical: Clipper Cutting
🗓 Tuesday, August 11 | 1:00 PM EDT
Sharpen your clipper-over-comb, blending, and styling techniques while building confidence behind the chair.
💆 Surface | Awaken Scalp Retreat
🗓 Tuesday, August 11 | 2:00 PM EDT
Learn scalp consultations, signature massage techniques, and head spa services that create unforgettable guest experiences while adding new revenue streams.
👁️ Endure Beauty | Lash Lift & Tint
🗓 Wednesday, August 12 | 11:00 AM EDT
Discover one of the beauty industry's highest-ROI add-on services while learning techniques that attract new guests and increase rebooking.
(And if you’re reading this as a salon owner or educator — send your team. One class can shift an entire culture.)
👀 Watch This Space
(Jobs Worth Seeing)
👀 Watch This Space
ARISA |📍New York, NY
OPEN ROLES
✂️ Hairstylist
When we look for salons to feature each week, we're not just looking for beautiful spaces. We're looking for businesses that are intentional about building careers.
Located in the heart of Chelsea, this boutique salon has built its culture around three things: education, mentorship, and meaningful connection. Their message is simple: beautiful work begins with intention, and great careers are built by continuously learning and growing.
What we especially loved is that ARISA isn't just hiring experienced stylists—they're also investing in the next generation through a dedicated Assistant Program. Too often, assistant programs are viewed as "just getting through the day." At ARISA, it's positioned as the first step toward becoming a successful stylist, with hands-on mentorship, in-house education, and ongoing training from brands like Milbon, Wella, Redken, and L'Oréal Professionnel.
Their career video reinforces the same message. You don't hear them talking about filling chairs. You hear them talking about helping people build meaningful careers, celebrating growth, and creating a salon where success is shared.
Why we think ARISA is a great place to work:
🎓 Education isn't an event—it's part of their culture.
🤝 Mentorship is built into both their Stylist and Assistant career paths.
🌆 A boutique salon in the heart of New York City focused on artistry, collaboration, and intentional guest experiences.
📈 A team that believes individual growth and business success go hand in hand.
If you're looking for a salon that believes your career should keep growing long after beauty school, ARISA is definitely worth checking out.
👉 Apply with your portfolio + watch the video to experience the space for yourself
🎤 Educators Wanted: Your Dream Role Just Went LiveReady to teach, inspire, and represent iconic brands?
💥 Educator roles at Pureology, Matrix and Kérastase are now LIVE on BEAUTISTA.
Whether you’re a seasoned pro or a rising educator, this is your moment.
🔦 BEAUTISTA Spotlight
Courtney Brown
📍Fort Worth, TX
🎓 Ogle School Hurst Campus
Some students are focused on graduating. Others are already thinking about the career they're building. Courtney Brown is one of them.
Currently a cosmetology student at Ogle School, Courtney isn't just learning techniques—she's building a vision. Her goal is to create a luxury beauty brand in the Dallas–Fort Worth area where every guest leaves feeling more confident than when they walked in.
One sentence from her portfolio really stood out to us:
"My goal is to not just provide services, but to create meaningful experiences that boost confidence and help clients feel their absolute best."
That's bigger than hair. It's purpose. Beyond the classroom, Courtney has already earned certifications and recognition in areas like Mizani, Dermalogica, salon operations, money management, and customer service—showing that she's investing in both the technical and business side of the industry.
Why she caught our attention:
✨ She's already thinking like a future business owner, not just a future stylist.
🎓 Continuously building her skills through certifications and professional development.
🌱 Focused on creating memorable guest experiences, not simply providing services.
💛 A great reminder that your career starts long before graduation.
We can't wait to watch Courtney's journey unfold and see the impact she makes on the beauty industry.
👉 Connect with Courtney, explore her portfolio, and follow her journey on BEAUTISTA.
Want this for your students?
Reach out to hello@beautista.com and we’ll show you how to make it happen.
💫 WE WANT TO FEATURE YOU
Have a story about how BEAUTISTA helped or inspired your career? Email us at hello@beautista.com to be spotlighted in an upcoming issue.
💡 BEAUTISTA Tips & Tricks
This isn't exactly a tip or a trick... but maybe it is.
Every week we share ideas to help you grow your career. This week, we wanted to share something even more important: what can happen when you fully embrace everything BEAUTISTA has to offer.
We often say BEAUTISTA is more than a portfolio. It's more than job opportunities. It's more than free education. It's what happens when you put all of those pieces together.
This week, one of our team members, April, received the message below from Anastasia, and we just had to share it.
"I just wanted to reach out and thank you guys for all you have done for me and to let you know how grateful I am to have the certifications I do because of the classes I've attended. I took a break from doing hair for five years and have been back working for three years. If it weren't for you guys, my confidence would not be where it is today, so just a warm thank you! My dream is to become an educator for Redken and I'm working hard watching every class so I can be the best I can be. I am going for my artistry this year as well and am a vivid and color correction specialist now!!
I found the job of my dreams at the salon of my dreams and I couldn't be happier. I never would have found them if it weren't for your amazing team helping me create a portfolio and apply! You've changed so many things for me and I can't thank you enough!"
This message captures exactly what BEAUTISTA was designed to do.
Anastasia didn't just use BEAUTISTA to find a job. She used it to learn. She earned certifications through our free classes. She rebuilt her confidence after stepping away from the industry. She created a portfolio that told her story. She found the salon where she belongs. And now she's chasing her dream of becoming a Redken Educator.
We're incredibly proud of what BEAUTISTA made possible. But we're even more proud of Anastasia.
Because: BEAUTISTA can give people the tools, the opportunities, and the platform. But it takes courage to show up, keep learning, put yourself out there, and bet on yourself.
Congratulations, Anastasia. Thank you for reminding us why we do what we do. Stories like yours are the reason BEAUTISTA exists. 💛
And to our friends at Redken... we hope you're listening. 😉❤️
💌 Pass It On
Know someone who needs this kind of real talk in their beauty journey?
Share The TRIMM with a fellow BEAUTISTA and help them grow, too.
Last week's newsletter is too good, you shouldn't miss it!
Comments